Things to do in Margate: Crap pubs, the Turner, crab jokes

The decrepit old pub sitting on prime real estate, The Britannia, is, at the moment, not going to be turned into flats. Thanet District Council rejected its change of use planning application. Cllr Rob Yates said that it's hoped it will reopen as a pub, and that the owners are speaking to interested parties.

The London Tavern is also up for grabs, again, at a staggeringly low price. The Addington Street pub was bought by the current owners, Tiny Dancer Group, which runs The Plough in Homerton  and The Prince Arthur in Hackney, in 2021 for £475,000. The pub was put back on the market for £650,000 in 2022, and will go to auction on May 15 with a reserve of £250,000. 

The Crab Museum and Chump's Comedy have found the best crab joke. Judged by comedians Harry Hill, Rose Matafeo, Sally Phillips and Phil Wang, Ramsgate Arts Primary kids and more, a wisecrack entered by Leon Price beat around 700 other gags to win the World’s Funniest Crab Joke competition. It goes: “A man walks into a restaurant with a crab under his arm and says, 'Do you make crab cakes?’ The manager answers, ‘Yes, we do.’ ‘Good,’ says the man, ‘because it’s his birthday.’” Runner up was, “Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t. It used the sidewalk.” In join third place were, “Why didn’t the crab help the chicken cross the road? Because it was eaten by a pelican crossing,” and “What format do you have to save photos of crab soup on to? Floppy bisque”.

Queer Cuntry folk are on the bill at Chaka Khan’s Meltdown Festival in London, joining the likes of Lady Blackbird, Mica Paris, and Todrick Hall. The festival runs at Southbank Centre, from June 14-23, with Queer Cuntry hosting a free all-day event on Saturday, June 22. southbankcentre.co.uk

The current Turner Contemporary exhibition closes bank holiday Monday, in case you haven’t been yet. Beyond Form: Lines of Abstraction, 1950-1970 features more than 50 pioneering women artists whose use of crafting techniques pushed abstraction and challenged post-war gender norms. Finishes May 6. Free entry. turnercontemporary.org

Quench Gallery has launched Quench Young Artists, an open access art club for 12-17-year-olds based in Thanet. Starting on Wednesday, May 29, the arts sessions will run every Wednesday from 4.30pm to 7pm into August. Participants will learn about a new arts material weekly, with dinner provided by Jack Goldstein. For more information, find them on Instagram or at quenchgallery.co.uk

Margate Film Festival is looking for filmmakers, critics, industry professionals and avid cinema lovers to join its advisory committee for this year’s festival. Members will give input into the planning process in various ways including identifying local and emerging talent, building industry relationships and providing strategic guidance. margatefilmfestival.co.uk

Chef Ana De Costa brings her fusion-style dishes for Louie On Sea’s first supper club on Friday, May 3 at 7pm. Drawing on Portuguese, Chinese and Macanese cuisine, for the Fat Tea supper club, Ana will plate up the likes of trout tartare, pomelo with pork or mushroom floss, pan fried leek and smoked tofu dumplings and panda creme caramel. Tickets are £55 and available at wefifo.com

Late notice, but comedian Charlie Partridge performs Flacid Haus at Tom Thumb Theatre, Thursday, May 2 at 8pm. Expect new jokes and “some of the old shit”. Tickets £12. tomthumbtheatre.co.uk

Writers’ hub Marine Studios hosts Bernadette Russell for First Friday session, How to Find Hope. On Friday, May 3 from 6pm-9m, the theatre maker and storyteller will share stories of hope, while Thanet designers will present inventive sustainable creations. Free, and BYO. marinestudios.co.uk/events

Lastly, coming up way in the future, Art Brut and Los Bitchos gigs have been announced, at WhereElse? Monday, October 28 (£23) and the Lido on Saturday, November 2, (£18.50) respectively. Both gigs are on sale now.